As it turns out, my husband may have left me for the multitude of reasons that he claimed; the house is a mess, I am always tired, we don’t connect.  But it seems he may have had some inspirational nudging from his Friend, who is, coincidentally, also leaving her husband.

She is from high school.  They have stayed in touch through the years.  He would see her when he was back in town, they’d do Christmas cards etc.  No red flags.  But when she went through a pretty awful time with her husband, she turned to mine for support. After all, they were old friends.  My husband was there for her when she needed him.  Talking to her, making her feel better about herself, encouraging her to be strong, saying things to soothe her.  It just makes me all warm inside…until the part where on the heels of helping her, he suddenly decides that his own marriage is not a good fit, and leaves.  Granted he has issues, and a lot of them are with me, but they had all just been brought to my attention when he said he wanted a divorce.  Along the way, he never told me.  He told her. 

If she is just a friend, then what was I... just a wife?  While he has been on the phone connecting with her I have been on the floor connecting with jelly blobs and trails of honey made by my 2 year old.  While he has been on the phone sharing his feelings with her, I have been sharing my folding skills with his freshly laundered clothes.

How much is too much when it comes to friendship?  In my case, as I checked his phone records, he sometimes talks to her 5 times a day; as early as 8:07am and as late as 10:17pm.  Was it her responsibility to let him know that perhaps their discussions had taken an inappropriate turn and he should really be talking to his wife about ending the marriage?  Or was it his responsibility to think “You know what, it feels good to open up, I should give my wife a glimpse at my real feelings and see where it could take us?”

A friend of mine just started dating. At a recent dinner party she was made to feel very uncomfortable by her date’s female friend.  Her date and his gal pal shared inside jokes, big laughs and my friend couldn’t have felt more awkward.  It wasn’t the girl’s fault.  Or was it?  Could she have toned it down a notch to accommodate my friend’s newness to the group? Or was it the responsibility of her date to make an obvious effort to include my friend into these jokes and hilarious tales?  It wouldn’t be an issue if it were a guy.  Or would it?

I was a wife, I am a mom and am now Suddenly Single in Suburbia trying to make sense of it all.  How much friend is too much friend?  Who carries the responsibility to keep an opposite sex friend in their place? If you are an opposite sex friend, what are your thoughts?