Note to self: Read Metro Magazine’s social calendar before you go out and do anything.

According to the “31 Ways to do July” calendar in Metro’s July issue, Thursday July 30, 2009 was “Ladies Night Out” at the swank 50^th and France shopping district. It was an event strictly for all the hotsy-totsy ladies in Edina and South Minneapolis to celebrate their estrogen through high end shopping sprees and cocktails. Apparently, though, the event wasn’t designed for a 36 year old man (that’d be me) wearing a too-tight under shirt and swim trunks.

 Unbeknownst to me, the path to my local grocery store had filled with droves and droves of fashionable women who were aggressively shopping and drinking and gushing to each other about that insane new YouTube wedding video and how they totally want to do that at their wedding. I innocently left my house to walk up to the 50^th and France Lunds to buy some milk. Within a single city block, the sidewalks were choked with ladies waving huge purses and wielding stilettos. I, on the other hand, had chosen a nightly ensemble that included a v-neck white “Schneider the Janitor” undershirt, a swim suit so that I didn’t have to wear underwear and I could air out my under carriage, and Spagoli approved flip flops. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I was eating Corn Nuts and listening to a Rage Against the Machine version of “Fuck Tha Police” on my iPod.

How’s that for Ladies Night?