On a recent trip to Whole Foods (or Whole Paycheck, as it’s known in my blue collar household), I came across a sign with a recommendation from a Whole Foods employee. The employee recommended a fantastic frozen pizza that featured tomatoes grown in an organic Chilean garden tended to by gnomes who rode on unicorns. And so, in a fit of inspiration I made my own list of recommendations. These items are 100% Spazz Dad approved:

Spaz Juice –The actual slogan for this energy drink is: “Drink This and Feel Less Sucky” Even though it tastes like cherry flavored paint thinner, what other blogger in the Twin Cities has their own energy drink?

Daisy of Love-If you want to feel better about your life, just watch this skanky reality show on VH-1. Daisy is a haggard party girl with ginormous fake boobs and looks eerily similar to Mickey Rourke. Don’t get me wrong, though. She is a sweet girl, but has a habit of dating dudes named Big Rig and Chi-Chi. Although the show is highly entertaining, I think it gave my TV herpes.

Scott Ja’Mama’s Pulled Pork sandwich and Twice Baked Potato- Try this tiny BBQ joint in south Minneapolis and you’ll never go back to Famous Dave’s again.

“I Want You to Know” by Dinosaur Jr.-If you were to be smothered by an avalanche, this is what it might sound like.   With its crashing drums and sonic guitars, this song has the volume and heart to make you believe once again in the power of rock n roll.

Owning a Bull Horn- I received a mega phone for Father’s Day. There is no situation in the world that cannot be improved with the application of a person yelling into a mega phone.

Imodium

Detective Jimmy McNulty on “The Wire”-One of the greatest characters on one of the greatest television shows of all time. The “Sopranos” got all the hype and glitz. But “The Wire” is the real deal.

“100 Little Curses” by The Street Sweeper Social Club-After reading the recent Vanity Fair article on Bernie Madoff, the Wall Street douche that pilfered billions of dollars from investors, I wished that Madoff would suffer some “prison justice.” This song by the rock-rap group (made up of Tom Morello and Bay area politico rapper Boots Riley) puts our collective angst to a rocking beat.

Popcorn from the Lake Harriet concession stand- Perfectly salted and buttered, it’s summer in a box.

Chelsea Handler of “Chelsea Lately” – How can you not love a woman who repeatedly tells John Mayer to suck it on national television? All those dummies who say women aren’t funny, watch this show.

 “Summer Babe/Winter Version” Pavement – This is a terrific song to listen to at the end of a long work day, preferably with a beverage in your hand.

Manual Labor – There is no cubicle. There are no TPS reports to fill out. Just some tools and your muscles to work them. I recently dug holes all day with my coworker JR. The entire time that we labored, we discussed what five weapons we would want if we were in a Gladiator pit fight. How’s that for a Board Meeting?

An Axe Handle, a chain, a shank, a sock full of pennies, and a pistol grip pump (on my lap at all times).