Hey, Todd,” said Craig McQuistion, tour manager for the Hold Steady, “Are you ready to bang this interview out?”

“Ugh…yeah,” I replied awkwardly, as I talked into my cell phone.   I was standing inside a cramped sweat box port-a-potty next to the stage at the Basilica Block Party. It was early afternoon and The Hold Steady was set to begin their sound check in twenty minutes.  The band graciously agreed to meet with me before it started. I quickly zipped up, got out my pen and paper, and bolted from the portable toilet like a bastard version of Superman.

Craig Finn and Tad Kubler, The Hold Steady lead singer and lead guitar player, respectively, were patiently waiting for me on the side of the stage. They were dressed in casual road attire: Finn in plaid golf shorts, black Saucony sneakers, and Ray-Ban shades; Kubler wore red tinted glasses, jeans, and some old school looking break dance shoes.

“I’m Craig and this is Tad,” Finn said warmly. We shook hands like men. “Let’s step into our trailer.”

As we walked across the lawn on our way to the private back stage area, I was filled with apprehension. Over half of Hold Steady’s songs are sordid tales of debaucherous people doing-it in bathrooms, snorting margarita mix, and hood rat friends sticking ball point pens into their arms. In my Spazz Dad mind, I naturally assumed that their trailer would include a Jack Daniels water fountain and a Pez dispenser of narcotics. There just might be a loose woman named Charlemagne prowling around their dressing room and she would most likely saddle up to me and offer to go down on my Johnson. But to my relief, the rowdiest thing in the Hold Steady trailer was a giant bowl of candy. Apparently, Double Bubble is the new cocaine.

“I’d like to start off the interview with a quick round of word association,” I said. “All of the words will be related to the Twin Cities.”

“All right,” Finn and Kubler said in unison. 

“After we are done, I’d like to take some photos,” I said.

“No problem,” Kubler said, “We’re easy.”

They both plopped down on the couch and were grinning ear-to-ear. Finn popped some candy into his mouth.

Delmon Young

Finn: Disappointing

Liquor Lyles

Kubler: Dark.

Finn: Free wings.

Dairy Queen  

Kubler: Brazier

Finn: Blizzard

Al Franken

Kubler: He won. Winner.

Finn: Blake School.

Willie Burton

Finn: West Bank. Wait. Do you mean the blues guy?

No. The Gopher hoops player.

Finn: Oh. Face Mask.

Lew Ford

Finn: SAT. I heard he got a great SAT score.

Grain Belt

Kubler: Order something else.

Finn: Sign by the bridge.

Butter Princess

Finn: Weird.

Kevin McHale

Finn: Celtic

Little Tijuanas

Finn: Late night.

Kubler: Drunk.

Rolling Green

Finn: Edina neighborhood. I grew up near there.

Al’s Bar in St. Louis Park

Finn: Closed. Did that place open during Prohibition?

“OK,” I said, switching gears, “Now time for some stupid questions.”

Kubler and Finn dug into the leather couch and got ready.

Pound for pound, who is the better songwriter: Westerberg or Sp…

Finn: Westerberg. Wait…who was the other one?

Springsteen

Kubler: Springsteen.

Finn: Yeah. Springsteen

Its 1986 in Minneapolis, who would win a wrestling match between Bob Stinson and Bob Mould?

Kubler: When you’re doing stuff like that, there has to be drinking involved. You gotta go with Stinson.

Finn: Mould may know more about wrestling. But I’m going with Stinson.

The winner fights D. Boon

Kubler: D.Boon’s got the weight. D wins.

Finn: Yeah, D. Boon for sure.

You’re having a Juicy Lucy. Where are you having it? Matt’s Bar, 5-8 Club, or The Nook?

Finn: I’ve only been to Matt’s Bar. But I don’t know if I want one. I don’t know if I want to eat something with molten lava coming out of it. Those things can hurt you.

Kubler: It’s like those people who take those shots of flaming alcohol!

Lifter Puller Reunion?

Finn: I don’t want to say never…but…no.

Worst place in the Twin Cities you’ve woken up?

Kubler: Are you fucking serious? Are you serious right now? Holy shit!

Yeah. Totally serious.

Kubler: Fuck. Let’s see. Well, I woke up in the back seat of my car, once, underneath that bridge right over there. He points to the freeway overpass that leads into the Lowry Tunnel. One time I woke up in Bryn Mawr park and had no idea how I got there.

How about you Craig?

Finn: I’m not…I don’t have good stories for that.

Kubler: Remember when I lived in that loft? It was on the other side of 35W. Finn shakes his head. I woke up outside the apartment building on the sidewalk. I didn’t even make it to the front door:  Couldn’t get up the steps. Fuck. My neighbor found me sleeping on the curb and thought I’d been rolled. Do you want me to keep going?

No. I think that’s enough.

Kubler: Because I can keep going. We all laugh.

Bigger Douche: Barry Bonds or Roger Clemens?

Finn: Clemens. He repeatedly lied.  He thinks he’s above the law. Barry Bonds just wanted to stay out of it.

Kubler: Clemens.

I know you guys are big baseball fans. But there is a Minnesota athlete, a member of the Minnesota Wild, who personifies the Hold Steady.  His name is Cal Clutterbuck. Clutterbuck is your guy.

Finn: I think I’ve heard the name.

Kubler: Yeah, I’ve heard the name.

Well, as a 21 year old rookie, Clutterbuck broke the NHL single season record for hits with 356 in 78 games.

Kubler: Holy shit. That’s like over 5 hits a game.

Exactly. But here’s the catch: he’s 5’9".

Finn: Wow.

Kubler: Is he a brick shit house?

More like a mailbox with a head. He knows his role on the team and has proven that character counts. So I got you guys this gift: It is a Wild t-shirt with Clutterbuck #22 on the back.

Kubler: That’s awesome. Give it to Craig. He’ll love it.

Finn: This is awesome. I’ve just started to get back into hockey. I follow the Rangers, but just because I live in New York. Now I have someone to follow on Minnesota. Thanks. Clutterbuck…it sounds like the name of a band.

Kubler: But I don’t get the connection. How is he like the Hold Steady? Does he get fucking wasted?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure he gets wasted. But on the ice, Clutterbuck just works hard, hits hard, and is just a solid dude. He knows he may not be the prettiest skater, etc. But he’s coming at you every shift, every night. Just like the Hold Steady.

Finn: This is a great gift. Thank you.

I pulled out my camera to take some photos. But in true Spazz Dad form, the battery was dead.

“We’ll get you some photos after sound check,” Finn said.

So we plowed ahead with the interview. After a few more minutes of banter, we moved to the Basilica stage where the Hold Steady ripped through a blistering sound check. Under a glorious summer sky, the band crushed the empty Basilica grounds with a ragged bottom heavy version of “Southtown Girls.” Just after they finished, the band members hastily left the stage, getting ready for their monster hometown show in a few hours.  I stood on the side of the stage and patiently waited for my photo op. Finn looked over and saw me standing there. As Finn rounded up Kubler, the reverb from their guitars still crackled in the air. They both took a moment and walked across the stage towards me. It was a small sincere gesture that rang louder than any song in their arsenal: They remembered that I needed a photo. 

“You ready for some photos?” Finn asked. “Where would you like us?”

We moved into the shade and a Metromag photog snapped a few shots.

“Thanks again for the gift,” Finn said, as he walked off stage.

“Yeah, Todd,” Kubler said, “Thanks for everything.”