The only thing better than bacon is free bacon. And the only thing better than free bacon is free bacon served sizzling hot straight out of the oven. In a bar. Washed down with a cold can of beer.

At 9 p.m. sharp, French fry baskets chock full of bacon were served up at the Triple Rock Social Club on "Free Bacon Wednesday." A burly bartender sauntered over—basket in hand—and smirked. Then he plopped down a glory-load of bacon right in front of me at the long bar. My friend Nick and I raised our tall-boy $1.99 cans of PBR.

"Beer and bacon," I toasted. "Best. Man-date. Ever."  We clinked cans.

"To complete the trifecta, all you guys need now is a blow job," the bartender quipped.

Hey-oh!

By 10 p.m., the Triple Rock was full of meat enthusiasts. Booths and tables were packed with Twin Citizens joyously gorging on bacon and knocking back brews. There were dudes with dreads, Mohawked punks, and even a few suits. An older Somali man saddled up next to me at the bar, ordered a beer and gave our basket of bacon a longing stare. He turned toward me and casually raised an eyebrow. I didn't want to Bogart the bacon, so I held out my basket. The man snapped his hand in the space between us. He got his beer and turned away.

"You just offered pork to a Muslim," Nick said.

Hey… oh.

Nick and I sat there under a massive sign that boasted, "Nothing Washes Down Swine Like a Cool PBR." And oh, boy, were they right. For an hour, we casually sat there and picked at the basket of bacon. What were we supposed to do? Not eat the bacon? A bartender tended to us like a veteran corner man in a boxing match. He dropped a load of napkins in front of us, brought over several glasses of water, and even offered up encouragement for us to keep on eating.

 "An oil can of Fosters and bacon grease," Nick announced. He took a final swig off his huge Fosters can. "I'm going to need a bib."

"And I'm going to need a diaper," I replied, sliding a seventh piece of bacon into my mouth.

Best. Man-date. Ever.


Free Bacon Wednesday
Triple Rock Social Club
629 Cedar Ave., Mpls.