On a recent Tuesday afternoon, I asked my wife if she wanted to go to IKEA to look for a new kitchen table. Sarah put a hand to her mouth, completely shocked by my invitation. She was astounded that I volunteered to go to IKEA. No man ever wants to go to IKEA. She thought we were going to IKEA to spend some nice quality family time. But in truth, I was just really hungry and wanted to stuff my face with Swedish meatballs in the IKEA cafeteria. 

We walked into the store. Sarah’s shopping spirit was percolating with decorating ideas. After ten minutes of looking at model rooms, I had enough. The IKEA display rooms were great. But I don’t live in a shiny new loft. I live in an old south Minneapolis house that currently has a minor ant infestation and gets its windows rattled by airplanes. I was starting to get hungry. So hungry in fact, that I was becoming angry. I was Hangry.  I immediately got down to my business at hand.

 “Can we get something to eat?” I suggested.

“It’s 3:15pm?”   Sarah replied. “Who eats lunch at IKEA at three in the afternoon?”

“Uh…me?”

“You just ate lunch. Like an hour ago,” Sarah said jokingly.

We walked up to the cafeteria. I ordered eight meatballs and mashed potatoes for $2.99. Word up. Then Sarah and I sat at a counter that ringed a children’s eating/play area where our son sat at a tiny table, ate chicken fingers, and watched a cartoon. I looked up and saw that the whole area was decorated with lovely little cartoon hearts. It kind of felt like a date.

“Does this count as a date?”  I asked my wife. I chuckled and accidently spit a piece of meatball at Sarah. It hit her jacket.

“You just spit meatball at me,” Sarah said.

“So…no? This doesn’t count as a date?” I asked.  We looked at our son and he had a finger buried so far up his nostril it was tickling his brain. 

My wife could not have possibly been more annoyed with the two of us. She sat there sandwiched between her two mutts; a five year old boy who was eating more boogers than actual food and a husband that hits her with meat loogies. 

“Wow,” Sarah said. “This date is awesome.”