Event: First Annual Metro Magazine Man-Date.

Date: April 9^th, 2009.

Who: Chris Clayton (Senior Editor, Metro Magazine), Chuck Terhark (Associate Editor Metro Magazine), and Todd Smith (Spazz Dad Blogger, Metromag.com).

Where: Grumpy’s bar (Washington Avenue).

Why: Because dudes need to say stuff that they can’t say around their coworkers or loved ones.

Topics covered:

Colostomy Bags. “There is no bigger deal breaker on a date then a colostomy bag. Seriously. Think about it. You could be on a date with a woman and be having the time of your life. But when you are just about to get intimate and you lift up your shirt and reveal a bag of poop that is attached to your body…well, dudes, that is a deal breaker like no other.”

Baptism. “Would it be wrong if I showed up hung over to my kid’s baptism class? I’ve got a party to go to the night before and I have a distinct feeling I’m going to get blotto. Like I’m talking in-the-gutter level of drunkenness. Showing up for a religion class reeking of booze is kinda wrong. Right?”

Golf. “There are countless reasons why the sport of golf sucks. I’m talking societal reasons why the sport is just plain wrong. That being said...We should totally start playing. It would be awesome. Who’s in?” All three men raise their hands. Note: The Second Annual Metro Man-Date will take place at a driving range to hit golf balls.

Spazz Dad vs. Semi Pro.  “We should have you two square off. Like comic book heroes.”

Would you rather walk around town all day with a.) A visible erection or b.) A poop in your pants? “What kind of pants am I wearing? If I’m wearing sweats, then I got to say boner over poop. But if I’m wearing jeans then I gotta go with poopy pants.” “Can I wear Zubbas?” “If you walked around town in Zubbas and had a visible boner, dude, you’d get arrested.”

The Déjà vu Strip Club. “I just sold my bike to a guy in the alley behind the Déjà Vu. It was totally shady. He asked me to meet him behind the Déjà vu. He said there’d be good parking available.”

Art Song Wong’s Chicken Wings. “There is so much MSG on those wings they’ll give you instant cancer. But I can’t stop eating them.”

Sid Hartman, legendary Star Tribune sports reporter.  “Todd should totally fight him. Now that would be Spazz-tastic!”

Nicolodean Awards. “My son saw a picture of the guy that plays Earl (on that show ‘My Name is Earl’) in the Nicolodean magazine and he said, ‘Hey, that looks like dad!’ Do I really look like that?” Pause.“Yep.”

Home Repairs. “The windows in my house had the highest level of toxic lead the repairman could read on his meter.” “That’s a bummer.” “I have ants all over my bathroom.” “That’s just gross.”

Fatherhood. “I have a feeling that people hate me simply for the fact that I procreated.”

Spazz Dad Blog Ideas. “I’m flush out of ideas.” “So am I.” “Maybe you could blog about our Man-date.” “Done.”