The phone rang at the Twin Cities garden center where I work.

            “Todd. It’s for you,” a cashier said. “It’s…some… guy.”

            I answered the phone and heard a man wheezing into the receiver.

            “Good Morning. This is Todd Smith.”

            “Smitty, dude. It’s Jeff.” He paused to catch his breath. “I can’t make it to work today, bro.”

             “Are you o.k.?” I asked with alarm.

            “Oh, yeah,” Jeff said casually.

            “What’s up?” I asked.

            “I don’t want to lie to you,” Jeff said.

            “Then don’t,” I said.

            “I ate too much last night,” Jeff said.

            “Come again? You ate too much?” 

            “Yep,” Jeff said. “I ate too much last night.”

            “Like you got food poisoning? Are you puking?”

            “Nope,” Jeff said. “I’m just really full.”

            “You’re really… full?” I asked.

            “Total stuffed,” Jeff answered.

            “Are you screwing with me right now?”

            “No. Not at all,” Jeff said. 

            “You’re totally serious right now?”

            “Yep. I’m so full I could barely put my pants on.”

            I blew out a deep breath. I thought for sure I was being Punk’d.

            “You’re being totally serious right now,” I said to confirm what I was hearing.         

            He wheezed into the phone. Jeff was out of breath just talking to me.

            “I just can’t do it today,” Jeff moaned.           

            “Take the day off,” I said. 

            There was no use in reprimanding Jeff or asking him to make up his shift. If a guy calls in sick to work because he’s too full, well, that man is at the very least, honest. 

            But before I hung up, I had to ask the important question.

            “Just out of curiosity,” I asked, “What did you eat so much of last night …that you can’t make it to work today?”

            “I went to a Luau. Ate a shit ton of pork. Washed it down with Guinness. And then ate half a German Chocolate pie for dessert.”

            “That’ll do it.”