Is it possible to know everything? There was a time when the answer to that question was “yes.” That time ended on May 10, 1829, with the death of Thomas Young, a British man with such a lust for learning—he decoded the Rosetta Stone, conducted an experiment that later Nobel winners would declare the “basis of all quantum physics,” studied 400 languages and, on his deathbed, invented life insurance—that his 2005 biography was titled The Last Man Who Knew Everything.

But the vastness of human knowledge has expanded so much since Young’s day that no single brain could possibly contain it—not even his. Could he mix the perfect margarita? Do the moonwalk? Spot a fake handbag? Land a jumbo jet? Doubtful. Then again, he also didn’t have METRO magazine. If he did, we’re pretty sure he would have toilet-trained his cat.

When polymaths no longer walk the Earth, specialists will rule the world, and we’ve gathered the advice of the Twin Cities’ finest in this, our absolutely comprehensive guide to everything, ever. Want to know how to be a better lover? Think we left something out, like how to cook perfect spaghetti? We didn’t—but it's here. Read and become enlightened. Sir Thomas would be proud.

Food/

Make Lefse
1. Use real potatoes. They taste better. Cook them, rice them, let them sit overnight.
2. Add plenty of flour to your lefse board and rolling pin to keep lefse from sticking while you roll it out—this can make your cakes tear.
3. For first-timers, it helps to enlist the experts. The folks at Ingebretsen's in Minneapolis have an all-in-one lefse starter kit and offer lefse classes a few times a year.

Perfect Your Loaf
1. Choose a simple recipe containing just flour, water, salt and yeast and make it over and over.
2. Use a scale to weigh your ingredients. This ensures accuracy, is more efficient and dirties fewer dishes.
3. Dough behaves best at temperatures between 73 and 78 degrees F.
4. Make sure your dough is properly hydrated – a stiff dough will not develop the good flavors of a softer dough. A comfortable hydration level is about 12 oz. water for every 18 oz. flour.
5. Use a pizza stone or unglazed tiles on the center rack of your oven at all times to maintain temperature–home ovens lose a lot of heat when you open the door.
—Solveig Tofte, head baker, Turtle Bread Co.

Make the Perfect Cup of Coffee
Method: Press pot (a.k.a. French press)
Water:  200 degrees, filtered
Coffee: High-quality light roast
Dosage: 14–18 g. per 8 oz. of water
Grind Size: Coarse
Steep Time: 3.5–4 minutes

Tips: Grind coffee freshly on a burr grinder, saturate grounds evenly, decant
—Andrew Kopplin, owner of Kopplin’s Coffee in St. Paul. For more details visit kopplinscoffee.com

Set a Formal Dinner Table
At the left of plate, in this order: salad fork, meat fork and fork for fish or entrée. At the right of the plate, in this order: salad knife, dinner knife, fish knife, soup spoon and oyster fork or fruit spoon. Drinking glasses are placed above the knives. Dessert spoon and fork are brought in with the dessert plate after the dinner table is cleared.
—Source: Emily Post’s Etiquette (p. 322; photos p. 331)

Shuck an Oyster
Wrap non-shucking hand in a clean towel, then gently work knife between the hinge, applying enough even pressure to “pop” the hinge. Work the blade around the bill, freeing the oyster by cutting the adductor muscle. Make sure oyster is clean of any debris. Slurp, chew, enjoy.
—Erik Anderson, head chef, Sea Change

Be A Whiz in the Kitchen

• To get the most juice from a lemon, microwave it for 15 seconds.
• To avoid curly bacon, dip it in cold water before cooking.
• To chill wine quickly, put the bottle in a bucket with ice, water and a handful of salt.
• To keep potatoes from sprouting, put an apple in the bag with them.
• To avoid tears that come with cutting an onion, stick it in the freezer for 20 minutes before chopping.
• To reduce the toots, add a pinch of baking soda to beans while cooking.
• To turn milk into buttermilk, stir 1 T vinegar into 1 cup of milk.
• To remove garlic smell from your fingers, dip a stainless steel knife or spoon into lemon juice and rub it between your fingers for 60 seconds.

Tip the Valet Guy
$2 to $5
—Anonymous valet guy

Make the Perfect Margarita
Glass: Rocks or Old-Fashioned glass (about 12 ounces)

2 oz. Cazadores Blanco tequila
1 oz. fresh-squeezed lime juice
1 oz. Cointreau

Shake well with large cubes of ice for 10–12 seconds. Strain into a rocks glass half-full of ice with salt on half the rim. Garnish with a lime wheel laid on top of the drink, if so desired.
—Pip Hanson, head bartender at Café Maude and METRO's in-house drinks writer.

Bake a State Fair-winning pie
The key to an award-winning pie is to chill your ingredients.

• If possible, use lard rendered straight from a pig for the crust. If it's not available, shortening or butter are fine alternatives. Make sure they are refrigerated.
• Use ice-cold water, but only enough to roll out a smooth crust.
• Make a 5-inch dough pancake and refrigerate it for 30 minutes.
• Roll out the pancake to the size you need and then refrigerate it for an hour.
• Prick the crust a lot before baking.
• Bake the pie on the lowest shelf of the oven.
• Cover the pie with foil just before it reaches the golden brown color you want it to be.

—Marjorie Johnson, winner of more than 1,000 blue ribbons for baking, including the 2009 Martha Stewart pie-baking contest last November.

Buy Organic
Berries, bell peppers, tomatoes, grapes and apples are among the most important fruits and vegetables to buy organic because their non-organic counterparts are far more susceptible to pesticide-intake. Some of these are also delicate and don’t like to travel long distances because they’re very pest-oriented. [With non-organic fruit,] it’s not just a matter of washing things off. You also need to look out for what’s inside of it.
—Travis Lusk, Seward Co-op produce manager

Not all non-organic produce is evil. When it comes to veggies and fruits that have tough, impenetrable skins, you’re usually safe buying non-organic (think avocados, broccoli, onions, pineapples and kiwis). As an added bonus, these items can be up to 50 percent cheaper than their organic counterparts.
—Consumer Reports, USDA

Drink Wine
Systematically. To master wine you must first reckon with the mind-boggling fact of being surrounded by literally millions of different, specific wines. So drink nothing but Zinfandel for the next six months—now you know more about Zinfandel than anyone you know. Switch to Merlot. In a year, Syrah. Soon enough you'll actually know what the different wines taste like, and whether you like them. Now the fun really starts.
—Dara Moskowitz Grumdahl, author of Drink This: Wine Made Simple (Ballantine Books, 2009)

Cook Perfect Spaghetti
Put noodles in a pot of cold water. Bring to a boil. Turn off heat, cover and let sit for 10 minutes. Drain and eat.

Forage for Your Dinner
There are dozens of edibles found within city limits. Within walking distance of my house I can harvest crabapples, ramps, watercress, acorns, hackberries, mulberries, wild grapes, dock and mushrooms. Check small parks, walking paths, urban forest, former agricultural fields and office parks. Get a good field guide and remember the cardinal rule of foraging: If you're unsure about the identity of a plant, don't taste it and don't eat it.
—Teresa Marone, author of Abundantly Wild: Collecting and Cooking Wild Edible in the Upper Midwest

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Home/

Organize a Closet

• Put like with like. Whether it’s canned goods, scarves or batteries, you’ll have a better chance of finding what you’re looking for if similar things are together. Label boxes to find items at a glance.
• Use every inch of space. Back-of-the door racks, double-hanging rods, hooks, floor racks, thin hangers—put dead space to use.
• Be creative. When my husband and I lived in an old house with tiny closets, we set up a huge walk-in closet in the basement with lighting, mirrors and armoires. It was weird at first to walk down there in our robes, but it ended up working for us. IKEA sells great armoires starting at $150.

—Melanie Trachsel, owner, Grovey LLC

Make a Container Garden

• Use plants of varying shapes and sizes. Hearty spikes and grasses anchor containers beautifully, while asparagus fern and sweet potato vine make excellent trailers.
• Limit colors and textures to avoid visual overload. If you’re into pink, stick with that color. Or if you’re into variety, don’t forget that the color wheel knows a thing or two.
• Pick the right pot, for both presentation and functionality. For example, if you’re using succulent plants, pick a container that drains well because succulents don’t like to sit in excess water. 
• Fertilizer is a must.

—Karen O’Conner, owner of Mother Earth Gardens in Mpls.

Feng Shui Your Bedroom

• Remove anything that doesn’t align with rest and intimacy. This means getting rid of the TV, laptops, stacks of books and magazines, and any other kind of clutter. Pare down.
• Set a tone of equality. Flank the bed with a pair of nightstands or lamps. Easy access to the bed on both sides is important—don’t smush it against the wall.
• Surround yourself with symbols that support partnership, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Happy photos of you and your significant other belong, snapshots of the kids do not.
• Bring on the pink. Pink symbolizes love in the feng shui philosophy. You don’t have to saturate your walls with rosy shades, but adding touches like lampshades, a candleholder or drapes will soothe the room’s energy.

—Source: Ann Drew Yu, principal, Good Intentions