Semi-Pro: Keeping Up With the Couriers
| By Scott Schneweis |
|
(Photo by Marshall Franklin Long)
Everyone seems to have a friend of a friend who is a bike messenger. The problem is, no one seems to actually know a bike messenger. I spent two months trying to use Kevin Bacon-like associations to interview a member of this elusive tribe and the closest I came was several unreturned phone calls to some guy who calls himself “Skinny.”
Throughout this process, I heard all sorts of stories about bike messengers. I heard how aloof and crazy they were. I heard about how dangerous the job is and how I’d only find them if I could somehow discover their secret hideout in downtown Minneapolis, where all bike messengers pass joints and play video games when they aren’t on the job. By the time I actually joined the Blazing Saddles couriers for a day as a bike messenger, I felt as though I’d been tracking a figment of my imagination.
As it turns out, bike messengers are not a myth. But nearly everything I had heard about them is.
Myth: Being a bike messenger is fast-paced and dangerous, as you’re constantly weaving in and out of traffic and dodging car doors as you barrel down the street with your hair on fire.
Truth: Packages are sorted into three categories: three-hour, one-hour or 15-minute deliveries. Most packages are of the three-hour variety and because most deliveries are all within one mile of downtown, we can ride leisurely even during the 15-minute drops. There is, of course, the necessity to dodge a recklessly opened car door every now and then, but we manage to do that leisurely as well.
Myth: Bike messengers are selfish and irrational human beings who scoop their gay roommate’s peanut butter straight from the jar with their fingers. (Puck fromThe Real World is responsible for this stereotype.)
Truth: I met a handful of bike messengers, and while I didn’t see their method of peanut butter consumption, I did find them to be totally normal citizens who just happen to like riding a bike for a living.
Myth: Bike messengers are either on their bike seat or on their feet the entire day.
Truth: While the bike messenger’s average nine-hour day is packed with deliveries (around 20 or so), most of these are grouped together by the dispatcher as efficiently as possible, so there is some downtime to do important things like grab coffee, have lunch or spend an hour at the library looking at funny things on the Internet.
Myth: Bike messengers are extremely pretentious about the kind of bike they ride and will make fun of you for riding a bike that isn’t up to their standards.
Truth: Most bike messengers ride really nice bikes, but they don’t care what kind of bike you ride. In fact, they all seem to agree with mountain bike inventor Gary Fisher, who said, “Anyone who rides a bike is a friend of mine.”
Myth: There’s a secret hideout where all the bike messengers in town get drunk, smoke weed and play video games together whenever they aren’t making deliveries.
Truth: Granted, it’s possible that this place is so secret that no one will admit its existence, but I’m pretty sure this one isn’t true. There was a time when most of the couriers used to congregate at one of the company’s offices, but those days are long gone. And as far as vices go, I didn’t see one beer, joint or game of “Paperboy.”
Myth: You have to be in really good shape to be a bike messenger.
Truth: OK, this one’s true. I rode about 15 miles with a courier named Matt Allen, and when I left him he had several more drops to make and still had to ride home. I was exhausted and my legs felt like Jell-O, to the point where I barely had the energy to load my bike into my car and drive it back to my house.
Myth: There aren’t many bike courier jobs in the Twin Cities, and it’s impossible to become a bike messenger because they’re paid too well and no one ever quits.
Truth: There are only about 20 bike courier jobs in the city, most of which pay around $100 per day. However, it does seem that in order to get hired you have to know a current bike messenger and get a recommendation, which, as discussed previously, might be difficult. Unless you happen to be good friends with a guy named “Skinny” and you can get him to return your phone calls. +
Throughout this process, I heard all sorts of stories about bike messengers. I heard how aloof and crazy they were. I heard about how dangerous the job is and how I’d only find them if I could somehow discover their secret hideout in downtown Minneapolis, where all bike messengers pass joints and play video games when they aren’t on the job. By the time I actually joined the Blazing Saddles couriers for a day as a bike messenger, I felt as though I’d been tracking a figment of my imagination.
As it turns out, bike messengers are not a myth. But nearly everything I had heard about them is.
Myth: Being a bike messenger is fast-paced and dangerous, as you’re constantly weaving in and out of traffic and dodging car doors as you barrel down the street with your hair on fire.
Truth: Packages are sorted into three categories: three-hour, one-hour or 15-minute deliveries. Most packages are of the three-hour variety and because most deliveries are all within one mile of downtown, we can ride leisurely even during the 15-minute drops. There is, of course, the necessity to dodge a recklessly opened car door every now and then, but we manage to do that leisurely as well.
Myth: Bike messengers are selfish and irrational human beings who scoop their gay roommate’s peanut butter straight from the jar with their fingers. (Puck fromThe Real World is responsible for this stereotype.)
Truth: I met a handful of bike messengers, and while I didn’t see their method of peanut butter consumption, I did find them to be totally normal citizens who just happen to like riding a bike for a living.
Myth: Bike messengers are either on their bike seat or on their feet the entire day.
Truth: While the bike messenger’s average nine-hour day is packed with deliveries (around 20 or so), most of these are grouped together by the dispatcher as efficiently as possible, so there is some downtime to do important things like grab coffee, have lunch or spend an hour at the library looking at funny things on the Internet.
Myth: Bike messengers are extremely pretentious about the kind of bike they ride and will make fun of you for riding a bike that isn’t up to their standards.
Truth: Most bike messengers ride really nice bikes, but they don’t care what kind of bike you ride. In fact, they all seem to agree with mountain bike inventor Gary Fisher, who said, “Anyone who rides a bike is a friend of mine.”
Myth: There’s a secret hideout where all the bike messengers in town get drunk, smoke weed and play video games together whenever they aren’t making deliveries.
Truth: Granted, it’s possible that this place is so secret that no one will admit its existence, but I’m pretty sure this one isn’t true. There was a time when most of the couriers used to congregate at one of the company’s offices, but those days are long gone. And as far as vices go, I didn’t see one beer, joint or game of “Paperboy.”
Myth: You have to be in really good shape to be a bike messenger.
Truth: OK, this one’s true. I rode about 15 miles with a courier named Matt Allen, and when I left him he had several more drops to make and still had to ride home. I was exhausted and my legs felt like Jell-O, to the point where I barely had the energy to load my bike into my car and drive it back to my house.
Myth: There aren’t many bike courier jobs in the Twin Cities, and it’s impossible to become a bike messenger because they’re paid too well and no one ever quits.
Truth: There are only about 20 bike courier jobs in the city, most of which pay around $100 per day. However, it does seem that in order to get hired you have to know a current bike messenger and get a recommendation, which, as discussed previously, might be difficult. Unless you happen to be good friends with a guy named “Skinny” and you can get him to return your phone calls. +
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