Brace yourself, METRO readers, for I am about to unveil a new product that will blow your bootie away.

WINKERS. The pants that wink.

That's right, faces painted on jeans that make the unflattering space where your buttcrack and upper thigh meet send a little shout-out to the unfortunate person behind you. This product actually exists. To wit:



Intrigued? From the looks of this video, it helps to have a rather robust bottom if you're going to wear yourself some Winkers. Here's the story behind these eye-catching pants from a press release:

"The inventor is William A. Jones, a retired father of five and grandfather of seven who lives in Everett, Washington. He says that the idea came to him when he admired a woman walking towards him and, as men do, checked her out as she passed him. He could have sworn that her elegantly jeans-clad behind sort of winked at him.

He then thought that people-watching would be more interesting if their pants were adorned with eyes at the precise fold created by the motion of walking. Mr. Jones experimented with his daughter's jeans and was quite pleased with the result: when he applied his technique of accurate placement, the pants did wink! He then came up with the name Winkers for his invention and consulted a patent attorney in Bellingham and a license and trademark/copyright attorney in Seattle."

While I'm unable to think of a single spot on my body I would less want to call attention to, I've gotta give credit to Mr. Jones for going all out with his idea and getting a patent. Who knows? Maybe these'll be the next big thing in Germany or Japan. But I'm willing to bet bashful Minnesotans aren't so big on bootie winking. We're too busy trying to cover up dimples on our butts, not highlight them.